"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover."

"If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV."

"What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"

"I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich."

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

"I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."

"I've always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, 'Ain't that the truth.'"

"You go back. You search for what made you happy when you were smaller. We are all grown up children, really... So one should go back and search for what was loved and found to be real."

"Man is free at the moment he wishes to be."

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he know that every day is Doomsday."

"A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship."

"I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to."