"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."

"The only time some fellows are ever seen with their wives is after they've been indicted."

"Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake."

"A good listener is usually thinking about something else."

"There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?"

"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune."

"A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child."

"Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education."

"Successful people in this world are those who get up and look for circumstances they want. If they can't find them, they make them."

"Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble."

"One man practicing sportsmanship is better than a hundred teaching it."

"And, therefore, indifference is always the friend of the enemy, for it benefits the aggressor -- never its victim, whose pain is magnified when he or she feels forgotten."