"When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not."

"Violence is a tool of the ignorant."

"Funny is an attitude."

"The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down."

"You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine."

"The devil made me do it."

"Nothing is worth more than this day."

"A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion."

"Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought."

"We had parties that Nero would have been ashamed to attend"

"A lie travels farther than the truth."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time."